by Lubeina Shahpurwala
When was the last time we had a debate about whether women should join active army duty? Do we know if men are preferred over women for the crime beat? Can a man be an expert on fashion?
There is not one shred of biological proof that demands for men to not be fashion-forward, or for women to shy away from the demands of the crime beat. So why do we find ourselves making gender assumptions when it comes to assigning these roles?
Many will argue that we now have women pilots, male fashion designers, as well as women taking charge of typically male bastions: as village sarpanches and chief justices around the globe. Nobody denies their success, their talent, or their achievements; but has anyone noticed that these are instances that come to mind primarily for one reason? Surprise. A female sarpanch, a female biker, a stay-at-home dad, women in manufacturing Why are these remembered? Because while these pathbreakers are paving the way to new heights, in our heads, we still function under stereotypes. This is the biggest problem we face today.
Acceptance begins at home, and before we fight for equality, we must ask ourselves this: have we embraced equality in our own mindsets?
Yes, women are biologically created to function differently than men, but a lot of what holds us back is the perception that women are weak, and men are strong. This not only holds women back, but also doesn’t help men to be themselves, and achieve their potential as human beings. If this is what we see in an urban, educated society, what can we hope to see in areas of India where stronger gender moulds are the norm? The widely-accepted view is that a change is what will lead to safety, acceptance, and equality, but we dont seem to believe in our own words!
Overcoming subconscious ‘roadblocks’ is the need of the hour
Dont let your own perception hold you back! The names and achievements we talk of are not the exceptions. They cannot be the one-off successes, they must be the role models; not only for those aspiring to reach the same goals, but to each and every one of us. Often, men and women become their own enemies because we end up pulling each other down. We have strong rules about what is ideal and what is the right way. Remember the men dont cry furore? The stereotypes extend a lot deeper than we have accepted, and these will continue to bring us down as a society.
So, dont look at achievements as exceptions; look at them as new possibilities! Decades of cultural learning cannot be changed by one article, neither by one voice. We must all take a step back and re-look at what drives our behaviour, because this behaviour shapes all the structures that we function within today. Recently, I came across a situation that tested my own perception, and I am not ashamed to say that it was hard to overcome a mental roadblock I never knew I had. However, I fought against what I had unconsciously imbibed, and Im very glad I did, because it reminded me of the unspoken norms we all live within.
Until we make an individual effort to rethink all that we believe, we will never be able to make a stronger impact as a collective. We can preach openness, development, and inclusion till we are blue in the face, but nothing will change without individual action. The sum of the parts will lead to a much greater impact as a whole, and we will find that the successes are easier to achieve, faster, and more numerous.
This is the dream we must all have. Inclusion, openness, and acceptance at the individual level will in turn lead to collective success, and to our dream of a society that looks at each person in terms of their skills, and not arbitrary gender associations.
Lubeina Shahpurwala is a Co-Founder of Mustang Socks and Accessories and also the Vice Chairperson, FICCI Ladies Organization (FLO), Mumbai Chapter