Finding the key to happiness

By Moin Qazi

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”

— Marcus Aurelius

We are all caught in the maze of chasing fame, fortune, and power, in whatever form we can attain them. It is done in the delusive hope that they will provide us lasting and wholesome happiness. We see hordes of people who seem to have it all—money, fame, houses, cars, yet are miserable at heart. Their lives are devoid of the peace and contentment that all this was expected to bring.

Fortunately, happiness does not rest in anyone’s hands but our own. Happiness is not found over the rainbow or in some mythical place. It’s around the corner, dancing down the street with no cares in the world. Looking for happiness through the acquisition of objects is like trying to catch our own shadows. The closer we move towards it, the farther it moves away from us.

Focusing on the inside

Plato feels that the happiest life is one in which each part of the soul performs its function with complete excellence, or to the highest degree. His mentor and teacher Socrates recommended harmonising different parts of the soul. Doing so, he believed, would produce a divine-like state of inner tranquillity. True to his word, he cheerfully faced his own death when he took the lethal hemlock.

The problem is that we can so easily be seduced into believing that generating more external value—whether in the form of wealth, status or even achievement—leads to a greater sense of internal value. Each of these, pursued as a means to ensure our value, delivers diminishing returns over time. On the other hand, having purpose and meaning in life improves mental and physical health, increases overall well-being and life satisfaction, builds self-esteem, enhances resiliency and decreases chances of depression.

The essence of happiness lies in contentment. Contentment is not possible by expanding or shrinking the limitless expanse of this beautiful universe. It has to be cultivated in our hearts and minds. It cannot be sought in the world around us but has to be discovered in one’s inward self. For in many cases, the wealthiest classes of people may be the least contented and the poorest ones may be the ones most contended. Contentment has no relation to human needs. On the contrary, needs become defined by it.

Finding a purpose

The idea of happiness is not a human universal that applies to all times and all cultures but something that remains fluid through the aeons. There is, however, an overwhelming agreement that the texture of the lives of all happy people shows that they connect very well with the world around them and have a purpose to their lives. This buffers them from the mart of worldly strife. “Life has meaning,” as Robert Browning reminds us, and “to find its meaning is my meat and drink”. These happy people are like Mitya in The Brothers Karamazov, “One of
those who do not want millions but an answer to their questions.”

Sadly, most of us have lost focus of this age-old equation and are pursuing a mirage––the conquest of the material world. Nathaniel Hawthorne rightly said, “Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” Any single-minded pursuit, unmoored to a deeper purpose, has the potential to take on the characteristics of an addiction. More and more is required to obtain the same high, and the compulsion of the pursuit prompts a growing sense of despair and unworthiness it is meant to solve.

Developing the right template

It is the duty of parents and teachers to teach children to develop the right template for happiness and then equip it with a moral compass that can keep the template intact. The ideal template is one that that has all these ingredients—sensitivity to the feelings and needs of others, and skills that are best learned early like empathy, responsibility, kindness, reciprocity, generosity, and the value of fairness.

Happiness is always guaranteed when we confer it on others. It can never be had by seeking. It comes almost as a kind of benediction on the full, caring, loving and interested life. We must learn through love to get subsumed in the world and be a humble part of it. It is through such an engagement with one’s self, the world, and reality that will enable us to achieve a transcendental happiness. As Oliver Wendell Holmes emphasises, “Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.” Happiness comes not from getting something but from giving and serving.

Moving past delusion and attachment

Gloom sets in when our conscience is stained by desires and impressions of worldliness. It needs to be polished by a deep journey inward. A successful journey opens our spiritual eye to the wonders we have been gifted with. Instead of comparing ourselves constantly with ‘the haves’ and feeling deprived, we start weighing our good fortunes against those who have little. Fyodor Dostoyevsky emphasised the same point, “Man only likes to count his troubles; he does not calculate his happiness.”

We are lost in a world of delusion and attachment, too caught up to reflect upon the words of these wiser souls. They spoke out of their divine experience to awaken us from our slumber. We must use these pearls of wisdom to discover that inner happiness. Our time on this earth is not infinite. We need to welcome any opportunity to smile and cannot afford to waste one second. There’s real purpose in our desire for happiness—it’s not selfish to pursue it. We must abandon this delusion of selfhood and the ignorant cravings that go with it. Buddha specified them, “craving for the gratification of the passions, craving for a future life, and craving for success in this life”.

Let us let go of all those negative emotions generated on account of past frustrations and look to every new day with the heart of a virgin’s soul. This will enable us to not only make life happier for ourselves but also create positive ripples for people around us. It helps to build a self-sustaining cycle of eternal bliss.

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