Are you cheating on your spouse financially?

by Amar Pandit

Although not much is said about financial infidelity, in today’s fast-moving times, it is becoming a common phenomenon. The term implies not being completely honest about money matters with your spouse. These money secrets could be as small as stashing up some savings on the side, splurging on unnecessary luxuries or as big as taking on personal debt or mortgaging your assets.

When money matters are not actively discussed between partners, it leads to a communication gap in the relationship. This is because, the way you spend and take financial decisions may not be in tune with your spouse’s money habits. For example, a person’s priority may be spending on an extravagant annual vacation, whereas the spouse would prefer taking a simpler vacation and spending on things like a luxury car or jewellery.

Hence, it is important to be aware of your partner’s ‘money values’ and understanding the things that bring them Happiness. By doing this, the couple can align their spending habits in a way that makes the entire family happy.

In the long run, financial infidelity may lead to distrust, arguments and in extreme cases may be even land up in a divorce. Apart from the emotional stress, the financial impact of divorce may also prove disastrous, as one may land up losing a sizable portion of their wealth in the legal tussle of separation. In this article, I am going to share some guidelines that couples can follow to avoid landing up in such a soup.

Be completely truthful and transparent about money matters with your spouse

Understand and respect each other’s financial lifestyles and spending habits. Everyone has a different personality, some maybe savers, while some maybe spendthrifts. When such different personalities are not known and acknowledged by the spouse, it paves the way for financial infidelity, in the long run. So, even if you gave in to your temptation and bought those expensive pair of shoes that your partner would possibly disapprove of, do not hide it. Even though this may lead to a temporary disagreement, but being honest and transparent with each other, will help your relationship in the long run.

Communicate and educate

Make it a point to discuss money-related matters actively with your spouse. Communication is very important for a healthy financial relationship. There are couples where one of the partners is financially literate and the other is not. In such cases, regular communication and equal involvement of both the partners becomes critical. Let’s take the example of Saurabh and Ekta, a couple in their mid-30’s. Saurabh is a banker while Ekta is a manager at a PR firm. Saurabh is financially aware and takes all the investment decisions for the family. Whereas, Ekta is not even aware of where her hard-earned money is getting invested. All she knows is that on a fixed date in the month Rs. 1 Lakh gets debited from her account. While Saurabh’s intentions are right, the fact that he has not involved Ekta at all in this process, could lead to her feeling insecure and could eventually lead to distrust. Hence, even if a partner is not very financially literate, it is the duty of the spouse to educate and involve them, or at least make sure they are well-informed of the financial decisions taken.

Jointly set family goals

It is very important for partners to jointly set financial goals for the family. They should set and prioritise goals together, like children’s education, marriage, retirement, buying a bigger house, buying a luxury car etc. Sometimes saving for long-term goals like retirement are a priority for some, while their spouse might believe in living in the moment, and would want to save for shorter-term goals that bring immediate gratification like buying a luxury car or buying a bigger house in the near future.

Consult a financial planner: A good financial planner, will understand both the partner’s perspectives and values about money, before giving any advice. After taking a holistic view of the financial situation, personalities and priorities, he can then help you set financial goals, plan, and make financially sound decisions, as a family.
Share your investment details and financial position with your spouse: It is very important for your spouse, in fact, the entire family, to be aware about your overall financial situation like all the investments held, loans taken and given, where all investment documents are kept, all account and locker details etc. This is important because, in the case of an unfortunate eventuality, the surviving family members are aware of their financial position.

Values such as trust, honesty and communication will lay the foundation to long-term financial wellness in any relationship.

Amar Pandit is Founder and Chief Happyness Officer of HappynessFactory