By Ken Schoolland
A husky, jolly woman bore down on Jonathan as he stood wondering where to go next. Without hesitation, she grabbed his right hand and began to pump it vigorously. “How do you do? Isn’t it a fine day?” she said at rapid-fire speed, still working his hand with her meaty arm. “I’m Lady Bess Tweed, your friendly neigh- bourhood representative on the Council of Lords, and I would be most grateful to have your contribution and your vote for my re- election to office and there you have it; that is the pressing situation for our fine community.” “Really?” said Jonathan. The speed and force of her speech knocked Jonathan back a step. He had never met a person who could say so many words in one breath.
“Oh yes,” continued Lady Tweed, barely listening to his reply, “and I am willing to pay you well, oh yes, I am willing to pay you, you can’t ask for a better deal, and how about that?” “Pay me for a contribution and a vote?” asked Jonathan with a puzzled look.
“Of course, I can’t give you cash – that would be illegal, a bribe – say no more, say no more!” said Lady Tweed, winking slyly at him and poking him in the ribs with her elbow. She continued, “But I can give you something just as good as cash and worth many times the amount of your contribution to me. It’s as easy as priming a pump. A few bills in my palm right now and you can expect a gusher of goodies later. That’s what I’ll do and how about that?” “That would be nice,” replied Jonathan, who could see she wasn’t listening to him anyway.
“What’s your occupation? I can arrange assistance – loans or licenses or subsidies or tax breaks. I can ruin your competitors with rules and regulations and inspections and fees. So you can see, there is no better investment in the world than a well-placed politician.
Perhaps you’d like a new road or a park built in your neighbourhood or maybe a large building or…” “Wait!” shouted Jonathan, trying to stop the torrent of words. “How can you give me more than I give you? Are you so very rich and generous?”
“Me rich? Saints and bullfrogs no!” retorted Lady Tweed. “I’m not rich. Well, not that I will admit. Generous? You could say so, but I don’t plan to pay with my own money. Of course, you see, I’m in charge of the official treasury. And, to be sure, I can be very generous with those funds, to the right people…” She grinned, winked twice and nudged him again in the ribs. “Say no more, say no more!”
Jonathan still did not understand what she meant. “But, if you buy my contribution and my vote, isn’t that sort of like, well, the same as bribery?” Lady Tweed gave him a shrewd look. “I’ll be blunt with you, my dear friend.” She draped one arm over his shoulder and pulled him uncomfortably tight against her side. “It is bribery. But it’s legal when a politician uses money from other people rather than from his or her own pocket. Likewise, it is illegal for you to give me cash for specific favours, unless you call it a ‘campaign contribution.’
Then everything is okay. You can buy a hundred copies of my memoirs and not read a single one. Feel uncomfortable giving cash to me directly? Just ask a friend or a relative or an associate to offer permanent loans, stock options, or benefits to me or my kin – now or later.” She paused expectantly. “Now, do you understand?” Jonathan shook his head, “I still don’t see the difference, I mean, bribing people for votes and favours is still bribery no matter who they are or whose money it is. The label makes no difference if the deed is the same.”
Lady Tweed smiled indulgently, “My dear, dear friend, you’ve got to be more ?exible. The label is everything.” With her free hand, she gently grasped his chin and turned Jonathan’s head sideways. “What’s your name? Did you know you’ve got a nice profile? You could go a long way if you ran for public office. If you’re ?exible, I’m sure that I could find you a nice post in my bureau after re- election. Or is there something else you want?” Jonathan shook his head free and managed to wriggle out from under her arm. “What do you get by giving away taxpayers’ money? Can you keep the money that’s given to you as contributions?”
“Oh, some of it is useful for my expenses and I have a fortune promised to me should I ever retire, but mostly it buys me recognition or credibility or popularity or love or admiration or a place in history. All this and more for me and my progeny!” Lady Tweed chuckled softly. “Votes are power and there is nothing I enjoy more than having in?uence over the life, liberty, and property of every person on this island. Can you imagine how many people come to me – me – for big and little favours? Every tax and regulation presents an opportunity for me to grant a special exception. Every problem, big or little, gives me more in?uence. I award free lunches and free rides to whomever I choose. Why, I have the farmers, the coat makers, the treeworkers, and all of their hired lobbyists eating out of the palm of my hand! Ever since I was a child I dreamed of such importance. You, too, can share the glory!”
Jonathan tried to free his hand. But Lady Tweed kept him firmly in her eel-like grip. “Sure,” said Jonathan, “you and your friends have a great deal, but don’t other people get upset when you use their money to buy votes, favours, and power?”
“Certainly,” she said, lifting up her plump, double-chinned jaw proudly. “And I hear their concerns. So I’ve become the champion of reform.” Finally releasing Jonathan’s hand, Lady Tweed thrust her large, bejewelled fist into the air. “For years I’ve drafted new rules to take the money out of politics. I always say that campaign money causes a crisis of major proportions. And I have won a fair share of votes with promises for reform.” She paused to smirk and continued, “Fortunately for me, I always know a way around my rules so long as there are valuable favours to sell.” She winked and nudged again, “Know what I mean, know what I mean?”
Lady Tweed eyed Jonathan critically, taking in his tattered appearance. “No one pays you a penny for favours because you, as yet, have no favours to sell. Don’t you see? But, with your innocent looks – and the right backing from me, you could go far. Hmm…a new set of clothes, elevated shoes, a stylish haircut, and the proper fiancée. Yes, I could definitely triple the beginner’s vote tally for you. Then, after ten or twenty years of careful guidance – well, there’s no limit to the possibilities! Look me up at the Palace of Lords and I’ll see what I can do.” Lady Tweed spotted a group of workers that had gathered across the street, looking forlornly at the shuttered factory. She abruptly lost interest in Jonathan and marched swiftly away, searching for fresh prey.
“Spending other people’s money sounds like trouble,” mumbled Jonathan.
With ears keenly tuned to any sound of disagreement, Lady Tweed stopped and turned quickly, “Did you say ‘trouble’. Ha! It really is like taking candy from a baby. What the people don’t give to me out of duty, I borrow from them. You see, I’ll be long gone and fondly remembered when their yet-unborn-babies get the bill. What’s your name boy?” “Uh, Jonathan Gullible, ma’am.”
Lady Tweed’s face turned hard and cold. “I’ll remember you, Jonathan Gullible. If you’re not with me, you’re against me. I reward friends and punish enemies. You can’t stand in the middle, understand me? There you have it, that is the pressing situation for our fine community. Say no more!” In a blink, her face snapped back into a broad, beaming smile. Then she vanished down the street.
Brainstorming
• What is the difference between legal and illegal forms of bribery?
• Can politicians legally bribe voters and vice versa?
• What are problems associated with bribery? • How can Council debt be likened to “taking candy from a baby”?
• Examples?
• Ethical issues?
Commentary
When a politician asks you to vote for him, he is asking you to employ him for the next four to five years. Once you have employed him voted him in – you will pay towards his salary and expenses. This will come from the various taxes you pay. It will come from your income tax, from the GST/VAT you pay on everything you buy from a cola to a car. It will come from licences, stamp duties, and other hidden taxes. In addition to paying towards his salary you will also pay for his privileges and benefits, such as his medical expenses, insurance, accommodations, bodyguards, phone bills, cars, and travel expenses. At no time during his period of employment will you be able to get rid of him, no matter how badly he performs in his duties, or ignores his promises to you.
When he is no longer employed as a government official, you will still be paying to keep him in the comfort to which he has become accustomed. You will be paying his large pension, his staff, his special privileges, his travel expenses and many other things that you might not even be able to afford for yourself. From all of this it would appear that by voting for him you are hiring him to carry out a job. He is the employee and you are the employer. The ironic thing is that once you have hired him, he is considered superior to you. This higher status will be enforced in subtle ways: you are obliged to pull over in order to allow his motor cavalcade to pass; you will be required to address him as Sir / Mr Minister / Mr Secretary. After the election, will he remember anything about you?
Once established in his position he will have the power to increase his own salary and privileges without your permission, and you will be expected to pay. Without your permission or approval he will be able to hire more staff whose salaries you will be forced to pay. So governments grow and grow, their expenses grow and grow, and your taxes grow and grow to pay for it all.
Knowing that your taxes go towards all of this, you might wonder if you would be better off by keeping your money rather than paying for such a large government. What if government was cut back? Would industry really collapse without the “guidance” of a Minister of Sport, another Minister for Art and Culture, still others for Science and Technology, Agriculture, Forestry, Minerals, and so on?
It would be useless to ask the politician if he is necessary to the life of society. He is sure to answer in a way that will preserve his lucrative position of privilege. For the one thing that is constant in politics is this: mainstream politicians always offer solutions that increase, rather than diminish, their own power.
Background
Boss Tweed was the kingpin in the Tammany Hall organization of New York City during its most corrupt period in the 19th century. Logrolling (the trading of votes and favours to get a law passed) and pork barrel spending(getting one’s snout in the public trough) are
a sordid part of legislation. “Pork barrel” originates from the term “bringing home the bacon”— bacon being the government money spent on close allies in the home district. Thus, Parliament is the pork barrel from which this bacon comes. It means “favours for pals” and contracts for relatives. Small costs are taken from a large group of individuals and the benefits are concentrated on the members of a small group. Many people have proposed changing the system of campaign finance to curb the bribery. However, politicians are usually clever enough to work their way around such reforms because it is these very politicians who craft the laws. People work hard to gain freedom from oppression, but it takes a great vigilance to prevent a nation from slipping back into oppression. Within a short period people might ask “What, then, was the point of all the years of struggle?”
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