Boyfriend: Let’s plan a populist budget right here in the kitchen. I can’t wait any longer.
Girlfriend: I don’t know. We could, but it’s that time of the month; I think we should exercise some fiscal prudence this time.
Kid: Dad, where do babies come from?
Dad: Well so, it’s complicated, not as complicated as say stock specific investments, but definitely more complex than stock picking in 2018 given all the overhangs from 2017.
Kid: But what if we work on the assumption that it is a very bottom-up market versus top-down, and midcaps and small caps have run ahead of large caps?
Dad: Who told you about that? It’s time to disconnect the damn cable.
Dealer: Kaunsa maal chahiye?
Buyer: Accha wala dena, yaar. Pichle baar wala jyaada fiscal deficit de raha tha.
Dealer: Yeh wala lo, mast mellow fiscal deficit dega. Woh finance ministry ke party mein apna hi maal jaata hai.
Yoga instructor: Okay, now raise your right arm and do a pro-farmer tilt. This will align your rural-development chakra and your vote-bank chakra.
Gym bro: Dude, I’m eating 16 egg whites for breakfast, and 200 grams of protein a day. Today I’m going to deadlift a family sedan. Gotta bulk up, bro, you know them short-term capital gains.
Dad: Par Sharmaji ke bete ko fiscal math mein 99 out of 100 mile, aur tume sirf 98?
Girlfriend: I’ll have a burger and a shake.
Boyfriend: Babe, order the salad. You should go on a diet, your tax slabs are showing.
Beta sunti ho, kal tumhe ladkiwale dekhne aayenge. Zara parlour jaake waxing, threading, aur fiscal cleansing karke aana.
Mom: Beta sunti ho, kal tumhe ladkiwale dekhne aayenge. Zara parlour jaake waxing, threading, aur fiscal cleansing karke aana.
Cricket commentator: That ball glided past silly point like its glide path was dictated by the NK Singh committee itself.
Guy: Hey man, didn’t I see you at the LTCG pride parade?
Guy: No man, you’re mistaken.
Stoner friend: Hey man, you should smoke weed to ease your economic stress?
Me: No, thanks man; it gives me a heavy fiscal deficit.
Me: Bhaiya, Andheri East.
Auto driver: Long-term capital gains wala bhada hai; lekin highway bahut jam hai.
Me: Andheri East chaloge?
Auto driver: Nahi sahab, woh humare growth ke reverse trajectory mein hai. Ulta padega.
Newspaper headline: Cessual Assault Continues to Rise in Delhi Despite Demonetisation
Gabbar: Arré o Samba, sarkar kitna tax revenue bounty rakhe hai hum par?
Samba: Sarkar, puré pachaas hazaar.
Doctor: Looks like an ab-cess. Don’t worry, the government will probably waive it as soon as it’s ab goals are met.
Christian Gray: I’m a dominant, which means I’m always in control.
Anastasia Steele: Well, I guess that makes me a subsidy. Feel free to use me any way you like. Abuse me Mr Gray, abuse me like I’m the PDS, and you’ve got a fake orange ration card.
Husband: Okay, I think I’m ready for cess.
Wife: Hold on, I’m not in the mood, how about you play with my capital a little bit to stimulate my economy better, like our therapist told us?
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