by Arpit Chhikara
More often than not, we go into the bedroom unaware of what may happen and without any preparation. Some people who are unconsciously motivated might carry a condom with them everytime they leave their house, tut they are in the minority. Besides a rubber swimsuit for your junior, there are few other things that one needs to consider before stripping for action. When certain people I knew went into this arcade of sexual indulgence rather unprepared, the concept of a sexual to-do list popped up in my head. This particular list may be perused for heterosexual pole-and-hole pairing individuals, though you could possibly replicate its wisdom to suit your specific needs and orientation.
Consent is king
This is important and without it, the whole concept of sex and pleasure gets reduced to trauma, rape, and victimization. Whether you wanna have steamy hot sex or make sweet love, you surely don’t wanna force yourself on your partner like a villain on the heroine. So, when you are proceeding in the territory of the wet fleshy tunnel and the dangling leaky sword, do make sure that your partner also wants what you want. Having consent also makes sure that both the partners are willing to do things for each other, and are ready to face the consequences for the same. The post-cunnilingus or fellatio nausea counts as one of the consequences.
It basically means if you don’t like going down because you hate the taste of it, make sure you are not being forced to do it and vice versa.
… and Protection is Queen
First of all, you must ensure that your reputation is protected. How do you do this simple thing? You don’t tell the world that you got laid last evening and had the orgasm of a lifetime. Keep calm and have sex. No spreading news and undoubtedly no sex-fie on your Instagram story. Protection also means that you carry a condom with you if you’re not planning on having a baby anytime soon. Keep in mind that emergency oral contraceptive pills work well but their regular usage may hurt your reproductive machinery, thereby ruining the chances of giving your mother the grandchild she desperately expects, in the future. If you’re really active in the bedroom and change partners frequently, get yourself checked for STDs on a regular basis.
Location, location, location
Having fantasies of voyeurism is okay but getting caught in a park with your pants down behind the bushes is not a complaint your parents would receive pleasantly when they come to bail you out at the police station. You might get beaten and injured by old aunties or spanked by police constables for engaging in sex in public. The best place to have sex is a place where you won’t be disturbed for a sufficient amount of time. How much time you need depends on what you wanna do. You can watch a movie and smother each others’ face with noodles before beginning foreplay. Or you could light a candle and start with each other’s lips for dinner. The place of sex must be private and you should ideally ensure exclusivity.
Sexy, not smelly
It makes sense to bathe before sex. Nobody gets turned on by the smell of your sweat and smegma in your genitals. Smegma is a sticky (and stinky, might I add) white fluid that gets deposited around your penis and labia; it is neither sexy nor healthy to lick it with your tongue. Other than maintaining basic hygiene of your body and privates, it makes sense to keep your mouth rinsed and teeth brushed. It might not be erotic for your partner to eat that tomato strip stuck between your teeth.
Well-oiled equipment helps (not what you’re thinking!)
You can keep a sanitizer with you to sanitize your hands after you’ve made their proper use to stimulate each other. A soft cloth to wipe the leaking fluids is a good thing to have unless you want leave your sheets smelly for your roommate. Use of dental dams and flavoured condoms is beneficial beyond doubt when you have oral sex. The latter ensures good taste, but you can still expect pubic hair in your mouth. If you like to spice things up you can have a dildo, vibrator, handcuffs, costumes, and other necessary paraphernalia in your drawer. Do remember to ask your partner about their preferences because sex is not meant to be a demonstration of tools but an experience that gives both of you pleasure.
The big O
Speaking of pleasure, it brings me to the last item on my list. First of all, orgasm is not to be confused with ejaculation though both of them may occur simultaneously in men. A guy in his hostel room just memorized this line.
Secondly, despite much research on female orgasms, you do not need to read up about it. Simply ask her where, when, and how she feels pleasure to figure out each other’s erogenous zones by touching, licking and playing. PornHub can show you what orgasms and the clitoris looks like, but you have to feel an orgasm and find the clitoris all by yourself. It is a good thing to keep in mind that the purpose of sex is to give each other pleasure but you don’t have to get obsessed about making her squirt or make him scream your name. Keep on practicing and get better.
This is all that I had in my sexual to-do list. I may have missed a few like sipping a glass of milk for boosting sexual appetite or playing sensual music in the background while you folks stare into each other’s eyes, but that’s up to you to see what makes you tick. Keeping in mind these simple guidelines, you can become a better lover or sex buddy or husband and even a progressive, new-agey parent!
Arpit Chhikara is a Delhi-based freelance writer.
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