Chai pe charcha: Indian politics ki gandi baat

The older I grow, the more like a schoolyard I feel our political landscape is becoming. Just last week, the EC was forced to stop the BJP from using Rahul Gandhi’s unofficial nickname, “Pappu”, in the Gujarat election campaign.

Unfortunately, political discourse in our country didn’t get the memo. In the last few years, Sonia Gandhi has called Modi Maut ka Saudagar, the PM has referred to Arvind Kejriwal as AK49, Kejriwal called the Prime Minister a psychopath, LK Advani called Manmohan Singh a nikamma, and Manmohan Singh… well, he never really spoke much, did he?

Every time Azam Khan opens his mouth, people involved in other controversies take a sigh of relief.

Clearly, the politicians don’t want to mend their ways. They don’t want to stop the name-calling or the complaining. Like crybabies, they turn to mummy (the EC) each time they face any abuse. And the poll body, already burdened with the responsibility of conducting free and fair elections in the largest democracy in the world, has to keep other petty issues on the side as they arbitrate on really important issues such as, “Is it offensive to use the word Pappu?”

The only rule of name-calling in Indian politics is that there are no rules. Nothing is out of bounds. Whether it is an awful comment on race, religion, caste, sex, or economic background, our politicians have got it all covered. If you ever heard something awful and thought it couldn’t get worse, you will be surprised. Usain Bolt might have broken his own world records multiple times, but he is never going to be any match for Azam Khan. Every time Azam Khan opens his mouth, people involved in other controversies take a sigh of relief. Remember when he said toddlers get raped because of mobile phones?

Why discuss reforms, manifestos, and ideologies when you can get downright personal and insult people and their families? Television channels get their TRPs, politicians get their 15 seconds of fame during the election campaign, and impressionable children pick up tips for their next playground argument. All this goes on while the electorate sits on their couches, watching the shit hit the fan and thinking the exact same thing, “Can we have our votes back please?”

The article was originally published at Arrè

Featured Image Source: Sushant Ahire/Arrrè